by Abigael Johnson
I started attending St. John’s on the first Sunday of last year, and while I still consider myself fairly new to the church, I have had many blessed opportunities to share parts of my story with the church. Before writing this, I looked back over the things I have said or written and noticed a common theme of love and relationship. These are two values that I try to incorporate in everything I do, so it is no surprise they came up so often in how I share with our church. And while I still have plenty to learn in both areas, I find it much easier to be loving towards and to grow in relationship with others than I do with myself. Struggling to love myself and feeling alone have prevented me from being able to move in a direction that I have long known is the only way for me to move towards more freedom, joy, and peace in my life.
Over the last few years, I have focused on learning how to love myself more and how to be in relationship with a community. A large part of that is showing up genuinely and authentically to life, which is why I would like to share this with our community. I would like to reintroduce myself as Abigael (Abby) Johnson, a transgender woman.
This has been a long time coming for me. For most of my adulthood, I focused on trying to recover from an addiction but could never sustain more than six months of sobriety. Life just felt unbearable, and I did not know why. My time in Minnesota, and the help of some amazing mental health professionals, helped me to understand what I was feeling and why. I looked back and saw so many obvious signs that I either dismissed or completely forgot.
I knew I needed to make this change for a while, but I also knew I could never do it without community. I had supportive friends in the recovery community, but those spaces can be strongly separated by gender and tend to swing more closely to a restrictive form of Christianity. I was afraid if I lost that support, my own addiction recovery would suffer and end in another return to use. Fear and isolation were keeping me from transitioning, and God showed me that love and community were the only ways to counter that.
Two years ago, I set out to find that community and, through loving them, learn to better love myself. I tried a number of wonderful and inclusive churches in the St. Paul area. Then in early January of 2024, I walked into St. John’s and was greeted with the warmest welcome one could ask for. I also moved into an LGBTQ+ recovery residence with gender diverse people who have become a part of my Minnesota family.
Thank you all for the way you have received me into this church. Without the support I have here, I do not know if I would be courageous enough to take this next step.
I am happy to share more about my story or transition with anyone in this community and can be found in the church office most days of the week.
We are in a scary time for people like me to be coming out. But if I have learned anything throughout my life, it is that love and community are the most effective weapons to combat fear and division. As you all have been there for me through this transformative period of my life, I hope to be there for you through whatever life throws at us. Thank you again for being the loving and beloved community that opened its arms to me!
