by Terri Fishel
Back in 2024, Dr. Judy Stack said something that really resonated with me. In her E-vangelist article, “The Longing in our Hearts”, she wrote:
”Many folks emerged from the pandemic isolation disconnected from their previous support systems and relationships—many of which have been difficult or impossible to reestablish.”
That comment resonated with me because I had retired during the summer of 2020 and I knew all too well how not only retiring, but the process of aging often involves a shrinking of our social networks.We lose friends for a variety of reasons including health related issues, relocating to be with younger members of their families, or through death. And I know that for those individuals who have recently relocated to the Twin Cities, one experience that is often shared is how difficult it is to make new friends.
The article went on to say that over the coming summer, the Welcome and Connection Ministry would be offering a series of books to read and discuss in the Holly Garden focused on “how we build relationships and deepen acquaintance into meaningful friendship.” I was eager to learn more, and I was joined by a small, but lively group of other St. John’s members, all seeking the same thing.
The discussion groups were small, but the book content and the conversations were significant. After reading one of the books, I experimented with the social app, MeetUp to find social groups that might be of interest. I did attend a social gathering for people 55 and older and I engaged in conversations with several previously unknown individuals. I was definitely way out of my comfort zone! But perhaps the most significant change for me was becoming more involved in other opportunities to stretch and build new relationships. As a lifelong introvert, that reading group in the summer of 2024 changed me personally.
In her article, Judy wrote that “[b]uilding and deepening relationships is a spiritual practice, and like prayer or study or worship, we need to engage in the practice of it regularly for it to yield fruit.” Since participating in that summer reading program, I have tried to regularly engage in a practice of building relationships.
The reading group led me to an activity I started after the last national election. Based on the response to the 2016 election, I knew that the majority of my friends were in the grip of despair. So I created and contacted a group of more than 20 female friends–who did not all know each other, but were all retired as I was–and invited them to my house for a soup lunch and to engage in conversation and find ways to fight the despair. I labeled it “Joy is an Act of Resistance” group.
We have continued to meet every other month since December 2024 and the group has expanded as new friends have joined us. We have shared books that have lifted us, shared opportunities for being involved and active in a variety of ways, and most importantly, every time we gather we share the joy of laughter. This past January, instead of coming to my house for lunch, we organized into small groups to visit and support restaurants owned by immigrants. And despite (or in spite or to spite) the winter we experienced, we found ways to gather and support one another, and laughter is indeed the best tool we have to fight despair.
Another activity I participated in as a means of stretching myself, involved joining a state wide group, Christians Against Christian Nationalism – Minnesota when they announced an in-person meeting last year. One of the books in the reading group was Find Your People; Building Deep Community in a Lonely World, and it discusses how to find people that we can connect to in more meaningful ways. So, I was interested in exploring how to connect with others that were as concerned as I was about White Christian Nationalism. That effort led to becoming involved in Faith in Minnesota/ ISAIAH and ultimately connecting with our Seminarian, Trevor Sannes for a meeting that ultimately led to our upcoming Love Out Loud initiative, which I am working on with a team at St. John’s.
These are just a few examples of ways I have tried to stretch as a result of the reading group offered by St. John’s Welcome and Connection Ministry. I have been involved with many other activities that have propelled me out of my comfort zone, but I would not have pushed myself if not for that group, and for that I am profoundly grateful.
I have also found myself developing a new approach to my spirituality as a result of the reading group. And I am also so appreciative of the many individuals in the St. John’s community who work in a variety of ways to help connect us spiritually and provide programs that not only enrich our lives, but give us opportunities to meet others we may not always encounter otherwise.
I encourage you to consider taking advantage of programs that are being offered at St. John’s. There are a multitude of opportunities to meet someone and develop a relationship! You can attend a Sunday morning Faith Forum, visit the Farmer’s Market before or after worship (for the rest of September), or sign up to help out with a Faith in Action ministry. Women’s gatherings are on the second Tuesday of the month, as are the monthly gatherings at Episcopal Homes. You can catch up on what the Women’s Group has been doing in the Women’s Group forum. The book group starts up again this week and you can find our selected readings in the Book Forum Discussion. Other gatherings include the Men’s Group, Morning Prayer, Silent Prayer, Pups ’n’ Cups, Casual Bridge, and more.
There are so many opportunities offered by incredibly talented members of St. John’s and all of them are chances to connect, engage in spiritual practices, and grow in God’s love in our St. John’s community. And you just never know when you might connect with someone who becomes that relationship that builds into a new beautiful friendship.