I have known and worked with Holly Weinkauf since I first started at St. John’s in 2012. She has served in several leadership positions and is currently serving as St. John’s Junior Warden. Understated, patient, kind, and faithful, Holly has been a pleasure to work with as well as an inspiration for me. I admire how Holly balances her business, family, and church life. I asked her to share her experience running her own business and any connections with her faith.
Ten years ago, in the summer of 2011, I did something that some found exciting, many thought crazy and a few thought was both exciting and crazy. I bought an independent bookstore.
Keep in mind, this was at a time when for many years, more independent bookstores were closing than opening. It was at a time when ebook sales were skyrocketing and many were wondering if the physical printed book would soon be found only in archives. Oh, and also during this time, many analysts were predicting the collapse of the entire retail brick and mortar landscape as more and more shopping moved online. And yes, it was during this time that I bought a brick and mortar bookstore.
Deciding to own and run Red Balloon Bookshop was not a decision I came to lightly or naively. While I had experience in the world of books, I had no experience running a business. So I spent time in conversation with others, learning more about the bookstore business in general and this business in particular. I evaluated my resources of both time and money. I knew there was plenty of uncertainty in this world of bookselling and that I would be taking a financial risk. I knew that I had much to learn and even more to do. I also knew that if I did this, I would be investing in a well loved community bookstore that had been making a difference in the lives of kids and families for years. I was excited about being part of that and excited about imagining what was possible.
During that time I spent many Sundays in the pews at St. John’s sitting with this opportunity and decision. As we like to say in the Episcopal Church – it was my period of discernment. On one of those Sundays, a sermon seemed to be particularly directed at me. What I remember most about that sermon was maybe the exact quote or maybe a variation of a quote from theologian Frederick Buechner “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet” Listening, I knew that for me the bookstore was the place where my deep passion (for books, people and community) and the community’s need (for this bookstore) met.
So I took a leap of faith.
For a minute, let’s think about that word, faith, along with a few other words often used in a spiritual context – awe and love come to mind. I recently read John Green’s new book The Anthropocene Reviewed (which I give 5 stars – and if you’ve read the book or have listened to the podcast, you understand). In his chapter on wonder, he speaks to our ability and willingness to do the work that awe requires. It’s not that I didn’t know this before, but that line made me think more and more about how faith, awe and love don’t just happen, we need to be open to possibilities and willing to do the work. So when I think back to that first “leap of faith” I also think about how that went hand and hand with my ability, willingness and discipline to do the work that this particular leap of faith required.
So, I took a leap of faith… and I also got to work.
I worked on clarifying our values and priorities, who we wanted to be and why. These values and priorities have evolved a bit over the years, but have essentially remained the same. Our values include being a place where kids from all backgrounds are seen, valued and belong; being a convening space, a place where we connect people of all ages to books and authors and in the process, build community; and a place where my staff who share a love of books and understand the power of books can have meaningful work and thrive. All these things help us be better people for each other. Through my Episcopalian lens, I know all these things help move us to becoming a beloved community.
I also quickly learned that for me running a bookstore means I have to navigate and balance my ideals and values with the hard financial truth that this is a tough business with razor thin margins. In order to do the things we do at Red Balloon, all those things that contribute to creating a “beloved community,” I have to pay careful attention to the finances. The bookstore can only serve our community as long as I can pay the booksellers and the bills and the taxes.
Let me take a quick detour to share a little bit of financial advice from my Aunt Nanci who was no financial guru by any stretch of the imagination. Of all the people in my life, Nanci was someone who truly lived by leading with her heart. She had a fierce belief that we all can live authentic lives full of purpose. In terms of material possessions, she lived a fairly simple life but she always had the financial resources needed to do the things that were important to her. Her financial advice to me: “Money certainly isn’t everything, but boy, it’s right up there with oxygen!”
My focus at Red Balloon isn’t on money – it’s on the people, my staff, the customers, the books, the experiences, our priorities, our values. At the same time I do have to make sure we are managing our resources in a way that gives us the oxygen to do the things that are important.
Just like we do at St John’s, each year I work on creating realistic and sustainable projections and budgets that move the bookstore closer to aligning our values and priorities with our resources. And I need my team to understand this as well. As Brene Brown (whose podcasts have sustained me during this pandemic BTW), often says – “clear is kind, unclear is unkind” I’ve always believed it’s important for my team to understand how the bookstore finances work (and sometimes don’t) to give them more clarity on some of my decision making. Because they have this understanding, we’re continually working together to find new revenue opportunities and re-evaluating what we do and how we do it. With their help, each year I take a new leap of faith. We all re-center our values. And we all get to work.
After my first few years, we were moving closer to aligning our values and priorities with our resources. Ebooks plateaued and print books were actually on the rise. Brick and mortar retail was still happening and Red Balloon was doing more and more to live into our values AND we were in a financially sound place.
But even with the best financial plans, there are no guarantees and business disruptions will happen. When we had to close our doors to the public on March 18, 2020, I was deeply concerned and filled with anxieties and worries. Because I had been caring for and stewarding our finances, we did have a cash safety net – but as the pandemic continued and enveloped our world, I couldn’t help but wonder – How would I keep everyone employed? How would I keep everyone safe? The landscape in which we did our work changed in a way we never could have imagined. We had to quickly figure out how to still sell books and connect with our community while having our doors locked.
The first months of the pandemic required that I take the biggest leap of faith since buying the bookstore. I had to believe that the store would get through the pandemic. And as it turns out – so much of the work we’d been doing between 2011 and early 2020 helped us weather the storm. We revisited and reiterated our values. We all kept working. And the community that we had worked so hard to foster, in turn, showed up for us.
The pandemic reaffirmed for me that even in very difficult times, sound finances, like oxygen, allow us to exist. But our values and our community are the reasons WHY we thrive.
Running a small community centered-business is based on leaps of faith and stepping into the uncertain future. And along the path, I have realized that there are so many parallels between my business/community building journey and my own faith journey at St Johns. I’ve also learned that I can’t separate the necessity of sound finances from the vitality of doing the good work that we are all called to do.
Thank you Holly, for sharing your story and your faith with us at St. John’s!
Understanding and navigating our society’s financial systems as followers of Christ can be challenging. As with most spiritual practices, we gain strength when we share with and support each other. To write a post, offer resources, submit an article, or do an interview please contact Executive Administrator, Sarah Dull – you never know who needs to hear your story.
