Finance First Friday – September 2019
By Sarah Dull
Jesus shared several parables about the different ways our tendencies towards money can take us away from our relationships with God, with each other, and with our true selves:
- The Parable of the Rich Fool: Luke 12:16-21 (“So it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich towards God.”)
- The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant: Matthew 18:23-33 (“I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow-slave, as I had mercy on you?”)
- The Parable of the Prodigal Son: Luke 15:11-32 (“Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.”)
In her book, Integrating Money and Meaning, Maggie Kulyk encourages us to look at our history with money and identify the beliefs and behaviors we have formed along the way that make up our current tendencies towards money.
We’re all on a spiritual path, whether we choose to recognize it or not. And I’d say that money has been on that path too – leading the way for some, hanging around the shadows for others, or being dragged behind like a lead weight. It is critical to look back at the path on which we’ve been traveling – money and all – and be honest and compassionate with ourselves about what the path included. Only by taking stock of the past can we move on in a healthy way to the present and the future.
In this month’s Finance First Fridays we offer a summary of the 3 exercises, recommended by Kulyk, for examining our financial past. We encourage you to do these exercises without judgment or fear. “The point is not to criticize anyone – ourselves or those who parented us – but to raise our consciousness so we know what we are dealing with.” We are simply taking stock. A grocer who takes stock needs to know what she has in her inventory; she does not criticize herself for running low on items or try to figure out who to blame for what is on the shelves. Approach these exercises with compassion for yourself, and with clear-eyed honesty.
- Track Your Money Memories
Set aside some quiet time and grab something to write on. Settle yourself. Take three deep breaths.
Scan your memories from early childhood to the present. Write down your recollections about money; a brief description of the memory, how old you were, any feelings you recall having about that experience. Keep going, record any significant money memories you can recall, including those pertaining to family and friends. Include how these experiences affected you and your feelings associated with each memory.
When finished you may want to put your memories in order, creating your financial autobiography. Looking at your journey with money can be enlightening and influence your next steps.
- Family Mirror
Set aside some quiet time and grab something to write on. Settle yourself. Take three deep breaths.
One at a time, visualize your caregiving figures (parents, grandparents, guardians). For the first person, make a list of the words that describe the qualities, characteristics, and energy that you attribute to them, especially in regards to money. Do not censor or analyze this information; be completely honest about your feelings and experiences. Allow the words to flow until you feel complete and have nothing more to add. Repeat this process for at least one more significant caregiver.
When you have at least two lists, ask yourself:
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- Who do I most resemble?
- Which aspects of my relatives’ relationships to money come up in my life?
- What perceptions do I have about my relatives in regard to money?
- Which aspects do I openly embrace and which do I deny?
- Are there aspects of my relative’s behavior I have completely rebelled against? Has this rebellion been beneficial?
- What feelings came up for me while I was doing this exercise?
- Did I notice any tendencies about myself I might want to change?
It’s okay if you don’t like your answers. Try not to judge them. Awareness of these trends and patterns is the first step to a new path.
- Money Energies
After identifying our history with money, it’s time to look at where we are today. What are our unconscious tendencies around money? What energies arise in us around financial matters?
If you like online quizzes, Deborah Price, author of Money Magic, offers a free, quick assessment that can get you started: http://moneycoachinginstitute.com/understanding-money-types/. Kulyk cautions us not to take the results too literally. “Such designations are simply tools for awareness; they are not written in stone, and they can and will morph over time.” Think of the results as a temperature check; this is how you are reacting at this moment. When we take our temperature, it is important to look at other symptoms before making any diagnosis. Similarly, we recommend reading the attributes of each money type and note the ones you think are strong in you. How have these attributes manifested in your money life?
Whether you do the quiz or not, set an intention to notice what energies arise when you engage in the monetary world: when you pay bills, make donations to charity, go over your budget, loan or borrow money, give or receive gifts, look at financial statements, charge for a service, leave a tip, make plans for retirement, talk to someone about money, etc. Ask yourself:
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- Which tasks do you truly enjoy?
- Which tasks leave you feeling stuck, fearful, ashamed, or angry?
- Can you embrace the feelings they bring up and recognize where they are coming from?
- If negative feelings surface, is there something you can do differently to align these tasks in a new direction?
We hope these exercises help you find some insight and meaning regarding your current tendencies towards money. Having both an awareness of our attributes and an openness to change sets us on a spiritual path towards connection and wholeness. From here we can begin to restore our relationships with ourselves, with others, and with God.
We would love to hear your feedback and ideas for future Finance First Fridays posts. If you’d like to share your money stories, tips, and resources, please contact the church office.
